Ride a Bike

I did 3 cross stitches for the bike art show this year. I forgot to take pictures of the finale product.
I made the patterns with a graph paper template and paint. I know it isn't the most professional way to go about it, but hey, it worked.

Here they are.
The colors I used were different, they are simple and turned out pretty well. I am sure I will be using them again.

Bitter state

I guess 25 is the year that a lot of people seem to make a change. My outlook on life and people has changed. I don't want to say that I am bitter, but I may be. I care far too much about people who do not care for themselves. I care about the potential and talent they waste. The youth and livelihood. I care that they are spending their whole lives, thus far, in a haze, in a black out, that they won't even remember. They have made false connections with people they, in reality, don't even know. Their best friends are really strangers because all they have become are the drugs and booze. They've shoved thousands of dollars up there noses and into their veins. They shake when they haven't had their beer for breakfast. They can't remember the last time their brain was not altered by some substance or another. They've all become so desensitized that nothing is a big deal anymore. It's funny when someone accidentally buys crack instead of coke, and smokes it so they don't waste their money. Their friend drunkenly falls off a building and is at the bar the next night...he just knows how to party. It's all normal.

I've never been a huge party animal...but I have been around a whole lot of them.
It didn't really bother me before. This year I have finally noticed that a good many of them aren't partying to have fun, they are partying to party. The fun is lost. It's gone from bittersweet to a bitter state. It is almost enough for me to stop everything all together. I know that won't change anything. I know that would just make me hate it more, I'd go past bitter and just dry up...and they will all still just be drowning.

9th Circuit

All winter I rehearsed for a play. I hadn't acted since middle school, if you can even call that acting. I was looking to get into theater as another means of flexing my creative muscle and in hopes that it would help with stage fright.
Opening night, I almost puked up butterflies after being an idiot and peeking at the full house. Luckily, it was nothing a shot of whiskey and an encouraging word couldn't cure.
It was a lot of work, very exhausting and quite the challenge but well worth it.



The other day, I had my first band practice since the play. Normally, even with these people who I know well and love, I feel nervous, like I am being judged. This time, I didn't. I was completely comfortable. I understood the words I was singing. I got it. I was no longer unsure of myself and my abilities or myself as an entertainer. For the first time I felt like it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing, exactly where I belonged.

That being said, doing stuff that is outside of your comfort zone really does a body, mind and soul good. It not only reminds you what you love and what you are good at, it reminds you why you did and
continue to do them.

I highly recommend it.

I am 25 now.

I had a small get together at my house for my 25 birthday. Cupcakes and burritos, two things that make me very happy. Many people I care about showed up.
Each person lit their own candle and stood in line for me to blow it out.
Many of them saying nice things or making wishes for me beforehand.

A few of my presents included:

A whole outfit
A bottle of wine
A record
A pair of maracas
A sweet pair of Adidas
and A boyfriend.
Ha.
<3

Megan is soooo Cowl.

Megan Kay is one of my very beautiful and very talented friends.
Her birthday was right around the same time as mine.
Being that a huge part of our recent bonding has been at karaoke every Thursday night, we had a karaoke themed party at Cal Neva.
We brought cake and had raided the dollar store for prizes for anyone who got on stage and sang a song.
I gave her some thrifted gloves.
I also knit her a simple cowl out of Malabrigo Worsted in Hummingbird.
The yarn comes in such beautiful colors and knits up so soft and nice.
I almost had a hard time parting with it.
I guess this is the best picture I have.

You gnome what I'm sayin'?

I completely forgot to post photos of my Halloween Costume this year.

Pretty last minute I decided to be a Garden Gnome. I think it was my favorite costume ever.

I thrifted, made and had everything I needed.

Hat- Crocheted in the round out of stash yarn from inherited from my Great Grandma.
Beard- Crocheted base and filled in with fringe, also from inherited stash. I used buttons to connect the beard and hat.
Vest- Thrifted for $2
Animal Suspenders- Thrifted for $2
White long sleeve shirt-Thrifted for $3
Green Shorts- Thrifted for $1
Tights- Owned
Boots- Owned

I also found that the hat and beard has many uses....including elf costumes for Christmas caroling.

Flight or fight. Panic! Panic!

I am learning that fighting fear is hard. I know that it is there for a reason, like any other emotion.

It is also an emotion that is not learned but innate. You are born with it. The emotion of fear is likely to happen with any sudden intense stimulation. It is a primitive, automatic response that is meant to keep us safe. Like a panic alarm to warn you to prepare to flee or fight.

Often, you quickly realize that you are not in any danger and you no longer feel startled.

Now, being that it stems from things unexpected, I do not understand it as well as other emotions and have a hard time dealing with it. That and like any other tough, independent person, I hate admitting when I am scared to myself, let alone anyone else.

What is learned is what to be afraid of. You learn observing others or from your own experiences and associate certain things with those experiences.
Smells, tastes, places, songs, feelings.

The only other two believed innate emotions are delight and anger.
I wish that the same things didn't seem to bring all three. It would be so much easier to know what to fight for and what to run away from.