6/20

I was once a mans baby girl,
his pride and joy, I think.
I have the photo to prove it.
He has me in his arms, stretched out,
held high, like a trophy.
A smile across his face that I don't really
know, don't really recognize.
He looks so happy.
I want so badly to see that man,
the one in the photo.
All that is left would be an empty shell
if it wasn't filled with a hermit.

Chap Chap Chappy

I was told it is a 1974 Yamaha Chappy.
I will have to do a little more research with the VIN.
It has pedals, which is awesome.
It needs some work though.
I am on the look out for the perfect fabric for the seat.
And my first priority really should be brakes.....

Weight

It is amazing what letting something off your chest that you have been holding on to for years does to you. Explaining yourself for your behavior after taking years to figure out why you acted or reacted the way you did. Sometimes you don't even realize how much you were holding in until you get started. Letting it out also made me realize things I didn't think of before. I still feel silly, but that's okay, that is what happens. Live, learn, grow.
Now I don't feel so awkward, which in turn will hopefully make everything else feel less awkward.
I am sorry for surprising you with heavy words. Thank you for listening, especially when I didn't even realize I needed to talk.

Record cover post cards

I got a few records at the thrift store and my dumb ass didn't check to make sure they weren't warped.
What do you know? They were.
Annoyed I left them on the porch, which just caused them to warp more and now I can't really use them for anything, so I threw them out.

I kept the covers, measured out postcard sizes and cut those babies up.
On the back I just drew out the lines for the address.
Stationary isn't cheap and now I don't feel like I wasted those few bucks.

Ride a Bike

I did 3 cross stitches for the bike art show this year. I forgot to take pictures of the finale product.
I made the patterns with a graph paper template and paint. I know it isn't the most professional way to go about it, but hey, it worked.

Here they are.
The colors I used were different, they are simple and turned out pretty well. I am sure I will be using them again.

Bitter state

I guess 25 is the year that a lot of people seem to make a change. My outlook on life and people has changed. I don't want to say that I am bitter, but I may be. I care far too much about people who do not care for themselves. I care about the potential and talent they waste. The youth and livelihood. I care that they are spending their whole lives, thus far, in a haze, in a black out, that they won't even remember. They have made false connections with people they, in reality, don't even know. Their best friends are really strangers because all they have become are the drugs and booze. They've shoved thousands of dollars up there noses and into their veins. They shake when they haven't had their beer for breakfast. They can't remember the last time their brain was not altered by some substance or another. They've all become so desensitized that nothing is a big deal anymore. It's funny when someone accidentally buys crack instead of coke, and smokes it so they don't waste their money. Their friend drunkenly falls off a building and is at the bar the next night...he just knows how to party. It's all normal.

I've never been a huge party animal...but I have been around a whole lot of them.
It didn't really bother me before. This year I have finally noticed that a good many of them aren't partying to have fun, they are partying to party. The fun is lost. It's gone from bittersweet to a bitter state. It is almost enough for me to stop everything all together. I know that won't change anything. I know that would just make me hate it more, I'd go past bitter and just dry up...and they will all still just be drowning.

9th Circuit

All winter I rehearsed for a play. I hadn't acted since middle school, if you can even call that acting. I was looking to get into theater as another means of flexing my creative muscle and in hopes that it would help with stage fright.
Opening night, I almost puked up butterflies after being an idiot and peeking at the full house. Luckily, it was nothing a shot of whiskey and an encouraging word couldn't cure.
It was a lot of work, very exhausting and quite the challenge but well worth it.



The other day, I had my first band practice since the play. Normally, even with these people who I know well and love, I feel nervous, like I am being judged. This time, I didn't. I was completely comfortable. I understood the words I was singing. I got it. I was no longer unsure of myself and my abilities or myself as an entertainer. For the first time I felt like it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing, exactly where I belonged.

That being said, doing stuff that is outside of your comfort zone really does a body, mind and soul good. It not only reminds you what you love and what you are good at, it reminds you why you did and
continue to do them.

I highly recommend it.