Monday, March 23, 2009

Gold and Heartache.

I don't have much to say about this.

Oh Rats.

Mr. Roboto

A friend for a friend.
I hate him.
But he loves him.

Write or Die....

For my scifi and metal lyric writing friend.
What can I say, I am all about trying to inspire.

Seeing tomato.

For someone who hates tomatoes.

the perks of being a wallflower I

I am re-reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.
Different things pop out at you when you revisit a book depending on what you are going through and where you have been since the last time.
I've decided to document the lines that do this time.
See if they change the next.

Here is the start.

"A month later, my sister met another boy and started playing happy records again."
Music says a lot.

"Sometimes, my dad calls her beautiful, but she cannot hear him."
And if you do hear it, you don't always believe it.

"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."
I wonder what I think I deserve.

"Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be."
The quiet puts mine where they shouldn't to be.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Yet another birthday present.
Liz and Sarah May both got one.
It is a stock penis.
Totally customizable. Haha.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

wishin on stars crying at the moon

I have needles in my mouth
and daggers in my eyes
My ears are ringing
and its no surprise
I am back where I started
only worse than before
I should have known better
but I opened all the doors
Ill just keep on smiling
so you never know
Ill cross my fingers
and decide where to go
Ill try to step forward
never back back back
Think of other things
get off that damn track
Goodbye stay safe
new scars more fears
Goodnight sweet dreams
new nightmares more tears
Always too much too soon
wishin on stars crying at the moon

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Make Believe

I had a dream that we spent all day under covers.
Cozy and comfortable.
When we finally stepped out into the world it was still.
We walked a while, stopping every few steps due to my distractions.
Eyes wide and giggling.
You trying to keep me on track.
Besides the occasional pigeon we were the only noise.
But we didn't notice.
I picked up a caterpillar and carried him until we found a tree.
I complained that it was too small to climb and set him on a leaf.
Still no one.
We still didn't notice.
We found a patch of green, green grass.
Laid on our backs and watched the clouds.
We saw the same things forming.
I made up stories of magical carpets and far away lands.
You told me it's all make believe.
Everything is make believe.
I cried and said it wasn't.
You caught what tears you could.
Assuring me that sometimes even make believe is real.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

No bunny til some bunny loves you....

I made Amber a lil bunny back in October for her birfday.
Complete with scarf!

Monday, March 9, 2009


I sit here for hours.
I feel like I am searching for an answer with out a question.
Like something will just appear like that idea light bulb in cartoons.
My thought bubbles are empty, oh but they keep coming.
Something deep inside is fighting to come out.
I'm pushing to keep it in.
It is my own personal boogie man.
He almost never shows his face until I am alone.
I can run and tell people he is there, but no one sees it.
Who is going to tell me he doesn't exist?
Who can tell me he isn't real?
Look under the bed and in the closet.
Turn out the lights.
I am scared.
You can only hide under covers for so long.
You can only hold your breath for so long.
I need a nightlight.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Lost Child

Everyone had warned me that she was crazy.
She would sleep with or suck anything.
She got naked on couches in rooms full of strangers.
She was so young and a recovering heroin addict.
They left me alone with her on the porch.
She asked my name, I told her.
She told me her friends suck, that they never call.
She asked me if I have ever felt like I just didn't fit in.
I felt like saving her.
Then I felt like I wanted nothing to do with her.
Which made me feel horrible.

I am always ok...

Sometimes things change everything you thought you knew.
Sometimes they drag up old emotions you thought you were past.
I am questioning my strength.
I am questioning my coping.
I am always long as I don't stop to think.
I am always long as I go with the flow.
I am not sure where I am meant to be.
I am pretty certain it isn't here.
Something is missing.
I just want to be happy.
I am always ok...

Monday, March 2, 2009

Nose in a book....

This website is pretty neat.
You can track what you've read, what you are reading and what you plan on reading.
You can score the books and add comments.
You can add friends.
Because you know, there are others like you.