Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I understand why people drown their feeling with things that numb them.
Ignore how they feel by filling voids with distraction.
That would be so easy, but I would still be left with these emotions when I wake
up in the morning.
Learning to deal with things never seems to get easier. You think it will be easier
the next time. It couldn't possibly be this hard again.
Yet it is. Maybe even tougher.
I am sending the letter, I hope it makes me feel better.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

To pee or not to pee!

As someone who has a bladder about the size of an acorn, going to the movies can be quite the hassle. With all their action and suspense, movies stress me out as it is, so when I have to pee....I really have to pee. I also really hate missing anything, so if I am left to figure out when to go scurrying down the aisles and into the bathroom I make it with mere seconds to spare.

This is where this website becomes my best friend!

They tell you exactly when is the best time to go! They also give you more than one option just in case you miss the first. They break it down to the minute when you can go, how long you have and clue you in with the line that is spoken right before.

A friend to going pee is a friend to me!

Monday, September 6, 2010

One page mini zines

We made 3 mini-zines to take with us to the Portland Zine Symposium.
With just a few folds and a single snip, one piece of paper become a wonderful, teeny, tiny 8 page zine.
It is perfect for a quick creative fix.

I think it would make really awesome invitations or letter to one of your pen pals.

I may put together a tutorial later....

From Your Lips to My Ears. First Kiss Edition

I thought it would be a great idea to take a notebook to the bars and have people I knew, along with people I didn't know, write about their first adult kisses.
This is wonderful to read the next morning and always full of surprises.

Compiling them into a zine was definitely not the fun part, in fact it was almost the death of me.
I typed up the stories to make them more legible, but I left in all the misspellings and mistakes so that I would not take away any of the personality. It is such a personal experience after all. I made a photocopy on one side to give an example of the persons handwriting to bring that much more of the writers into it.

This puppy ended up being quite hefty, but worth every page.

The Chappy Mini Make-over

I reupholstered the seat on my Yamaha Chappy.

Underneath the seat is just a bunch of teeth that you bend over the fabric to keep it in place, so all I needed was a flathead screwdriver and a hammer.

I used this sweet black and gray faux snakeskin. I chose this fabric mostly because it wont get ruined if it gets a little rain on it.
I even have some left over for a mini-skirt....hehe...not really.

It sure is a cutie. Slow, but a cutie.

Super Simple Cowl

I finished another cowl a while ago. It is really simple, nothing except knitting and purling on circular needles.

I made it for myself because I never keep anything I make and I really loved the colors. But, by the time I was done with it, I was so sick of looking at it.

It also didn't help that it was a little useless in the middle of summer.....but now summer is over
and fall is on its way in, so we will see how I feel about it in a few months.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


Past things still cause issues in my life. No matter how far I personally distance myself, it obviously isn't enough. There doesn't seem to be a balance in the things that I love and the things that I hate. They like to associate themselves. They are connected, they are best friends. I can not surround myself with one and expect to never have to deal with the other.
I still care too much. I am still to scared.

Monday, June 21, 2010

You said yes.

I love looking through craigslist or ebay at the engagement/wedding rings for sale.
Not because I am a hopeless romantic and I am shopping for a ring of my own but
because I like the little reasons that the seller often adds for selling.

some examples:
-I'm very sad it has to go, but were on hold indefinitely so theres no point in hanging on to it.
-Never proposed to her --- held onto the ring.
-( the wedding is off in case your wondering)
-was from previous marriage dont need anymore want to get rid of.
-There is no bad story to go with this ring and the ring has NEVER been used or worn. I just had extra money awhile back and decided to spend it on something that could possibly be useful in the future rather then blow it. Well, now I have to move and need some cash for my i've decided to sell the ring.
-This ring was purchased but never presented
-only worn for a couple of weeks. Its too much for my taste...
-Was given to me as a gift but never fit my finger.
-I Bought this princess cut engagement ring for $4000 and never proposed with it. I need the $ and the ring is useless to me now.

Sure, there are your fair share of rings sold by bitter women, but I am always surprised at how many men are selling rings that they purchased and then never proposed.


I was once a mans baby girl,
his pride and joy, I think.
I have the photo to prove it.
He has me in his arms, stretched out,
held high, like a trophy.
A smile across his face that I don't really
know, don't really recognize.
He looks so happy.
I want so badly to see that man,
the one in the photo.
All that is left would be an empty shell
if it wasn't filled with a hermit.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Chap Chap Chappy

I was told it is a 1974 Yamaha Chappy.
I will have to do a little more research with the VIN.
It has pedals, which is awesome.
It needs some work though.
I am on the look out for the perfect fabric for the seat.
And my first priority really should be brakes.....

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


It is amazing what letting something off your chest that you have been holding on to for years does to you. Explaining yourself for your behavior after taking years to figure out why you acted or reacted the way you did. Sometimes you don't even realize how much you were holding in until you get started. Letting it out also made me realize things I didn't think of before. I still feel silly, but that's okay, that is what happens. Live, learn, grow.
Now I don't feel so awkward, which in turn will hopefully make everything else feel less awkward.
I am sorry for surprising you with heavy words. Thank you for listening, especially when I didn't even realize I needed to talk.

Record cover post cards

I got a few records at the thrift store and my dumb ass didn't check to make sure they weren't warped.
What do you know? They were.
Annoyed I left them on the porch, which just caused them to warp more and now I can't really use them for anything, so I threw them out.

I kept the covers, measured out postcard sizes and cut those babies up.
On the back I just drew out the lines for the address.
Stationary isn't cheap and now I don't feel like I wasted those few bucks.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ride a Bike

I did 3 cross stitches for the bike art show this year. I forgot to take pictures of the finale product.
I made the patterns with a graph paper template and paint. I know it isn't the most professional way to go about it, but hey, it worked.

Here they are.
The colors I used were different, they are simple and turned out pretty well. I am sure I will be using them again.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Bitter state

I guess 25 is the year that a lot of people seem to make a change. My outlook on life and people has changed. I don't want to say that I am bitter, but I may be. I care far too much about people who do not care for themselves. I care about the potential and talent they waste. The youth and livelihood. I care that they are spending their whole lives, thus far, in a haze, in a black out, that they won't even remember. They have made false connections with people they, in reality, don't even know. Their best friends are really strangers because all they have become are the drugs and booze. They've shoved thousands of dollars up there noses and into their veins. They shake when they haven't had their beer for breakfast. They can't remember the last time their brain was not altered by some substance or another. They've all become so desensitized that nothing is a big deal anymore. It's funny when someone accidentally buys crack instead of coke, and smokes it so they don't waste their money. Their friend drunkenly falls off a building and is at the bar the next night...he just knows how to party. It's all normal.

I've never been a huge party animal...but I have been around a whole lot of them.
It didn't really bother me before. This year I have finally noticed that a good many of them aren't partying to have fun, they are partying to party. The fun is lost. It's gone from bittersweet to a bitter state. It is almost enough for me to stop everything all together. I know that won't change anything. I know that would just make me hate it more, I'd go past bitter and just dry up...and they will all still just be drowning.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

9th Circuit

All winter I rehearsed for a play. I hadn't acted since middle school, if you can even call that acting. I was looking to get into theater as another means of flexing my creative muscle and in hopes that it would help with stage fright.
Opening night, I almost puked up butterflies after being an idiot and peeking at the full house. Luckily, it was nothing a shot of whiskey and an encouraging word couldn't cure.
It was a lot of work, very exhausting and quite the challenge but well worth it.

The other day, I had my first band practice since the play. Normally, even with these people who I know well and love, I feel nervous, like I am being judged. This time, I didn't. I was completely comfortable. I understood the words I was singing. I got it. I was no longer unsure of myself and my abilities or myself as an entertainer. For the first time I felt like it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing, exactly where I belonged.

That being said, doing stuff that is outside of your comfort zone really does a body, mind and soul good. It not only reminds you what you love and what you are good at, it reminds you why you did and
continue to do them.
I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I am 25 now.

I had a small get together at my house for my 25 birthday. Cupcakes and burritos, two things that make me very happy. Many people I care about showed up.
Each person lit their own candle and stood in line for me to blow it out.
Many of them saying nice things or making wishes for me beforehand.

A few of my presents included:
A whole outfit
A bottle of wine
A record
A pair of maracas
A sweet pair of Adidas
and A boyfriend.

Megan is soooo Cowl.

Megan Kay is one of my very beautiful and very talented friends.
Her birthday was right around the same time as mine.
Being that a huge part of our recent bonding has been at karaoke every Thursday night, we had a karaoke themed party at Cal Neva.
We brought cake and had raided the dollar store for prizes for anyone who got on stage and sang a song.
I gave her some thrifted gloves.
I also knit her a simple cowl out of Malabrigo Worsted in Hummingbird.
The yarn comes in such beautiful colors and knits up so soft and nice.
I almost had a hard time parting with it.
I guess this is the best picture I have.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

You gnome what I'm sayin'?

I completely forgot to post photos of my Halloween Costume this year.
Pretty last minute I decided to be a Garden Gnome. I think it was my favorite costume ever.

I thrifted, made and had everything I needed.

Hat- Crocheted in the round out of stash yarn from inherited from my Great Grandma.
Beard- Crocheted base and filled in with fringe, also from inherited stash. I used buttons to connect the beard and hat.
Vest- Thrifted for $2
Animal Suspenders- Thrifted for $2
White long sleeve shirt-Thrifted for $3
Green Shorts- Thrifted for $1
Tights- Owned
Boots- Owned
I also found that the hat and beard has many uses....including elf costumes for Christmas caroling.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Flight or fight. Panic! Panic!

I am learning that fighting fear is hard. I know that it is there for a reason, like any other emotion.

It is also an emotion that is not learned but innate. You are born with it. The emotion of fear is likely to happen with any sudden intense stimulation. It is a primitive, automatic response that is meant to keep us safe. Like a panic alarm to warn you to prepare to flee or fight.

Often, you quickly realize that you are not in any danger and you no longer feel startled.

Now, being that it stems from things unexpected, I do not understand it as well as other emotions and have a hard time dealing with it. That and like any other tough, independent person, I hate admitting when I am scared to myself, let alone anyone else.

What is learned is what to be afraid of. You learn observing others or from your own experiences and associate certain things with those experiences.
Smells, tastes, places, songs, feelings.

The only other two believed innate emotions are delight and anger.
I wish that the same things didn't seem to bring all three. It would be so much easier to know what to fight for and what to run away from.