Sunday, December 30, 2007

The beginning of 2007:
Nothing exciting.
Life was somewhat stagnant.
Nothing new...everything old.

The middle of 2007:
I got a new job.
I started to question.
Started to feel trapped.

The end of 2007:
Completely flipped me upside down.

I do not feel like a gained a whole lot this year.
I made a few a new job....learned a
few lessons..but it doesn't feel like nearly enough
for a whole year.

Here are my goals for 2008:

Experience- everything.
Learn- many things.
Grow- friendships.
Me- comes first.
Breathe- take the time to.
Laugh- every chance I get.
Lose- my fears and inhibitions.
Dream- my own dreams.
Honest- with myself.
Dance- like crazy.
Kiss- need I say why.
Read- its good for my imagination.
Create- to help calm.
Forgive- I am to tired of caring.
Love- those who deserve it.
Travel- freedom and fun.
Focus- on where I need to be.
Write- to me.
Walk- less.
Feel- even if it hurts.

I may add more later.
Happy New Years!
I hear '08 is so hot right now.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Merry Christmas

I know people like to complain about their parents.
I know people like to blame everything that goes wrong on their parents.
I don't want to blame.
I don't want to complain.
I learned so much about failure from you.
I learned so much about pain from you.
I learned so much about disappointment from you.
But I learned.
I know what those white drugs and addictions do to people.
I know what love doesn't look like.
I know why my mothers nose was swollen and bleeding.
I know you wont always show up when you say you will.
I know you aren't actually listening when I talk to you.
I know you STILL don't know when my birthday is.
I know how loud to turn up the music so the boys wont hear you fighting.
I know you were drunk when you called me last night.
I know because I have never heard you tell me you love me,
never heard you tell me you miss me,
as much as you did last night.
That really could have been the best present ever.
I cannot tell you how long I have been needing to hear it.
It really could have meant a lot.
Instead it made me feel sick.
It was Christmas.
Merry Christmas Dad.
Next time I wish you'd tell me sober.
Next time I wish you'd mean it.

Have a doll

I made this for a friend for her birthday.

He came complete with a mullet and red chucks.

I also made him anatomically correct.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

My new joy....
You email him a title, and if it inspires him, he draws a stick figure cartoon.

I do love you sir.

Loving you has always hurt.

I am standing on the edge.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Dear Soul.

I may be crazy

but I am crazy for you,

dear soul.

I am almost lost

with out you.

I know youre inside.

I have yet to find you.

I feel so close

but I have yet to touch you.

I can hear you


I want to hear you


I know I am there.

I have just been hiding.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Rockin' Taco

My friends played a show at a bar called Taco Beach in Long Beach.
I made a taco stencil and stenciled everyone shirts to wear to this hell hole.
I love this taco.....and his mustache.

Sir Brutis Normandy

Here's what happened....

I stole a garden gnome.

From a friends back yard.

He was face down in the dirt.

I named him Sir Brutis Normandy.

I will take him on my travels.

Here are the first pictures...of me stealing him.

Monday, December 10, 2007

LOL Cats

I found these websites of stupid cats.

Now my grammar has gone completely down hill, along with a few of my friends. We are constantly finding outselves speaking this lolcat language.

"I can has new shirt?"

"OH noooooo they be stealin my sammich."

"OH HAI!!!"

It's HORRIBLE!!!!!

I am addicted!!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Probably always were...

UGGGGH.......You sure are making it easy to not care about you.
So much for great terms.
I knew it was too easy.

You make me feel like USING someone.
It makes me feel horrible.
It makes me feel like you.

Here's my start on having no emotion.
If only it was that easy.

You are fake. Probably always were.

Either she doesn't know you...or I never did.
I am pretty sure she doesn't know you.
I saw you through a lot. You were pretty consistent.

I saw you through addiction. You quit opiates.
I didnt do that for me. I did it for you.
I was there...for you.
Those pills will always be more important to you.
Even if you aren't currently taking them, you'll eventually be back.
I quit smoking...
you were jealous.
So much for support.
So much like our relationship.
I was weren't.

Im so happy you like to crawl backwards instead of leaping forwards.
I won't be doing that.
Thats one reason we are over.
You may like repeating past.
I am not going to be doing that.
Your fake. Probably always were.

I don't want to talk.
I just want the key back to MY house.
I'll keep your dog.
I dont mind.
You can barely take care of yourself.
You couldn't take care of me.
Even in the smallest ways.

I never asked for much.
Good luck with your foreign love.
She doesn't know you....the real you.
You are fake. Probably always were.
You can have your poem back.
You can give it to her.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Competent President???

I read something funny today.
Well I guess it's more scary then funny.
It is so true....

Speaking of youth coming of voting age in the next year....

“They were 11 when Bush became president,” he often says of young voters. “Some don’t remember that a president can be articulate." -Al Franken

Most probably don't remember.
I almost don't remember.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

My narcissistic self

I am scared to spend time alone with anyone....
but wait...
I will tell you why....

I am scared they will LIKE me.
I don't want anyone to have feelings for me.
I don't want anyone to have a little crush.
I don't want the risk having to say no.
I would rather not have to get into any type of "moment".
I don't want to have any type of connection.
I don't want to be asked out for dinner.
I don't want someone to look into my eyes longer then necessary.

I don't want someone to try and make me their girlfriend....
it scares the shit out of me.

This at the same time makes me feel very self absorbed.....
what makes me so special....
why should I think anyone is going to lean in for a kiss?
is going to ask me on a date?
is going to take me home to momma?
is going to fall head over heels?

I know I am not bad looking.
I know I make a great girlfriend.
I know I am very supportive.
I know I can be a good listener.
I know I can take care of someone.

I am sure it's because I felt kind of trapped in a way for the last four years.
I am sure I am afraid I will allow myself to be trapped again.

It's gonna have to be some one who adds to me, who doesn't take away. I know a lot of wonderful people, but it's going to take someone whos much more then wonderful.

I am scared of losing me.....again.

Monday, December 3, 2007


This weekend was full of dancing.

I honestly feel those are the best weekends of all.

I want the person I end up spending my life with to be completely comfortable dancing...even when they are doing it by themselves.

Who doesn't need a little ass shaking?

Who doesn't need some hip dipping?

I love a random dance party.

Saturday night was amazing...there are only a few things that could have made it better.

I am extremely thankful for the people that I know and the new friends I have made within even the last few months.

You are what makes life....well LIFE.

Enough of my cheese.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

First things..first.

I have started on a new path.
So I will start a new way of dreaming.
A new way of thinking.
A new way of wanting.
A new way of getting.
Only time will tell.
I am ready to take it on, one step at a time.
Who knows where I will end up this time.
Only time will tell.