Libraries everywhere are losing funding due to population losing interest.
This one, The Donnell Library Center in NYC, is being demolished so that a hotel can take its place. They are "relocating" it to the basement, where it will be a fraction of its original size. While a basement library could be a neat thing, the only reason it's even happening is because a law mandates it.
The above picture tears at me. It looks like they are in body bags. Dead and only missed by those who care.
I wonder if public libraries will exist by the time the next generation is my age. Fortunately, there will always be those who find nothing more comforting than the smell and feel of sheets of printed paper.
I walked into the double wide trailer that we called our church. My hands still sticky with that mornings cherry poptart.
It had a sign out front that I am sure some of the church ladies painted with tempera paint. Even though it was faded and peeling it screamed Imlay Baptist Church!!!
It always smelled of old lady perfume and how dusty fake flowers smell. I can't explain it.
I made sure to wear all white. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or why I was doing it.
All the other kids were.
Everyone was SO HAPPY when I accepted Jesus into my heart. They were all SO PROUD. I felt like I had accomplished something huge. All I had to do was repeat after them...accept a lord and saver (I'm sure they said saver) and ask for forgiveness. Easy praise and pats on the back. Yay me!
They made us sit in the front row. I sat on my hands...like I still do. We stared at the walls as Rev. Monte Chitty went through some adult jabber on the beauties of salvation.
It was hard to sit still and try to pay attention. Mr. Chitty was in his highway patrol outfit. He had one of those ridiculous mustaches. The family were transports from Texas, his accent was distracting.
They sang old hymns. ...At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light... I do not understand how so many of these women were so tone deaf. There was no way I was gonna be able to doze with that pitch stabbing me in the ears.
He pulled back the lid on what looked like an extra deep bath tub. It wasn't much longer than the one at home. It had cheap wood paneling in the sides. He said the water was a little cold, but it would have to do.
He called us up, one by one, he dunked them in the water. He'd put his hand over their nose and mouth, say some shit, and shove their heads down. They'd come up, soaked and choking. He'd ask them how they feel, they'd answer cleansed, new, alive, ect. Everyone would cheer and clap.
Finally he called my name. My palms were sweaty. He helped me up. I put my foot in...it was cold, it shocked me, I slipped, he caught me before I went under. I asked him if I could hold my own nose, he wouldn't let me. I don't remember what he asked me, but I agreed and down my head went. I came up sputtering and slapping. He grabbed my hands and asked me how I felt. "Wet." He looked disappointed.
I stood up, I was damn cold and shaking. Everyone was staring at me up there. They weren't clapping....or cheering. Just staring. Mr. Chitty sons mouth was wide open. As I looked around for my towel I happened to look down. I realized wearing all white was a terrible idea. My clothes were see-thru and my Tweety Bird underwear and his huge unblinking eyes were glaring at everyone.
It's 5am. It's so quiet this time of night/day. My windows are open and there is the slight smell of an earlier rain. The only sounds are a few cars in the distance and our cats trying to get under my window blinds. It's peaceful. I feel content. I feel at home.
I made a last minute decision and took a trip to S.F. to spend some time with a very good friend. This isn't the most responsible thing to do. I am unemployed and insanely broke. I got a ticket on Greyhound. I have never ridden a bus, with the exception of city transport or back in my school days. Not that I am against it. I have just never done it.
Getting on the bus, there was a man in front of me. He was in a Raiders sweater, had on a necklace the shape of Africa, was soiled and appeared to have wet his pants. He handed the ticket taker his ticket sleeve. When he unfolded it there was a $5 bill inside. "Oop, you may want that." He said handing it back. "God damn ghost, I tell ya. The ghost is livin' in my pocket." The ticket taker giggled. "You don't believe me, but that ghost took all my money."
At some point I fell asleep and woke up at a stop. The man got off the bus. When he got back on he had obviously re-wet his pants. He sat across the aisle from me and would randomly say things about the ghost. Or just randomly say "GHOST!"
In between talks of brothels and football teams, he got in a conversation with another passenger about this ghost. He said he had taken the bus into Reno from Oakland the night before with over two grand in his pocket. He went to the liquor store and than checked his pockets and it was gone. "The ghost stole it all from me! Can you believe that?" "Well...uhh...that ain't no good." "Two grand! Butcha can't sweat the small stuff." "Ain't that the troof." "What are you gonna do? Call the po-lice? They sure ain't gonna believe me."
Going to bars in a city you don't live in, alone, is a strange thing. The sleaziest (and not in a good way) guys seem to have a spidey like sense that you are seeking entertainment. Its never the type of entertainment you want. Just because I am alone, doesn't mean I am desperate. Can you smell it on me? Maybe I am here to watch. Maybe I am here to be alone. I'm content being the observer. I don't need, let alone want your attention or company. Tonight is exceedingly odd. I'm overhearing girls talking football players and guys talking hair.
I found the diviest bar I could, which wasn't all that easy in a town where everyone can afford Audi convertibles and buy the best set of tits. The girls are all teetering around in heels as tall as the buildings and skirts even higher. The boys are walking around like roosters with their chests puffed up and hair thats perfectly combed. Everyone is beautiful, but only in the billboard sense. Hours spent at the gym, at a tanning booth and days spent in front of a mirror. The only way you could see more skin would be to spend a week in a nudist colony. People really aspire to look, live, like this. Their main focus is to look like society's idea of perfection. Who the fuck was it that thought this is what perfection looks like? Where does personality go when all your thoughts are focused on appearance? Do they strive to be an “individual” like everyone I know? They don't stand out in a crowd. They blend. Maybe this is what they want. The perfect camouflage. In a sea of blond and flesh. In a fucking landslid of designer brands and fuck me pumps.
I wonder what they find passion in. What do they believe in? I cant even dream up something that they would die for. That special sale? The fastest car? The perfect polo? The richest boyfriend? The biggest fucking diamond?
These are people planning/deciding my future. Our future. To bad our future can't be found in fillet mignon, champagne and caviar.
It feels good to realize, how much we are all alike. The little things that make us different.
I have girls. They are mine; I am theirs. They are strong. They are courageous. They are beautiful.
You lessen my fears. You make me feel protected, safe and supported. You are my walls, my shields, my swords.
Friendship can begin with so many things. You might not see it there, growing, bringing new life. You may not know the exact moment it was conceived. It's a beautiful thing; birthing of a bond. The only type of mothering I need to do right now. Nourish these with experience. Watch them evolve, develop, mature, flourish.
We spoke last night, how even if we grow apart. Even if these don't last forever. Memories will.
I will hold you close and tight, and cherish everything.
but it's not because I am jealous or envious. I'm feeling jaded.
This last week I have talked more about politics and the state of the world than I have in months. I've made myself sick with frustration. My brain hurts, but not nearly as bad as my heart.
I saw the Flobots. I didn't realize how political and positive they were before last night. He talked about making a change. Making a country. Our country. About the flag being the symbol of a country that has yet to be created. About it being up to us. Up to me. Fight with tools. Rise. Rise. Rise.
There were a lot of people there. Randoms I've never seen before. A whole lot of kids. Not even old enough to vote. Kids who've only known Bush as president. Kids who don't know a president can be intelligent and competent.
It was hot. There was energy. There were a ton of fists in the air. There was screaming. I think I was the only one on the verge of crying. They just wanted to hear the radio hit. They weren't hearing what was being said. THEY DON'T CARE. Most of them won't vote. Most of them aren't thinking about it today. They won't do anything. They won't even talk about it. They weren't listening. They didn't realize how important it all is. They just don't care. Goosebumps. My ears were open.
I used to do so much. I was there. All the time. Doing something. Trying to help, save, change, SOMETHING. We started out so intense. So united. So strong. What happened? We didn't see it getting better. Only worse. We were tired. We were discouraged. I was getting in trouble. I was constantly shot down. I felt like I was alone. I was overwhelmed. I had to step back. I had to back up. Now I feel guilty.
I have feeling like I am not doing anything, but I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do even more.
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Column one: Self Page of Wands- Feeling More Creative Dawning of creativity and upsurge of energy Expect short journeys, invitations, and lively conversation
Five of Swords- Limitation, Power Often indicates failure or loss of some kind Usually accompanied by a sense of being limited in some way However from these limitations a new direction will come When surrounded with positive cards, indicates any loss or disappointment sustained is minor.
King of Cups- Imaginative, emotional, charismatic Highly intuitive Found magnetic yet difficult Makes decisions because they "feel right" Makes a dangerous enemy, able to wait for revenge When in love, highly-sexed and emotional Sensitivity is both a blessing and a curse Rarely boring or predictable
Column Two: What's Closest Two You Queen of Wands- Warm, Light and loyal Independent, charismatic, generous, hospitable, good company Always full of bright ideas, often inspiring, positive thinker When in love, passionate and sensual Brings a sense of humor to her relationships Rarely bad-tempered for long Needs admiration and reassurance, deep down lacks confidence Hates being taken for granted. Is frightened and may be driven away with possessive behavior
The Devil Represents the material world, which is neither good nor evil May be entering a phase where money and material well being become more important Warns against trying to buy friendship or love There is a danger that you or someone in your life will use money as a means to control others Linked with lust and sometimes overwhelming physical desire Powerful sexual attraction may be irresistible, but it may not be love You could find yourself obsessed with your object of desire You should probably learn something about your own animal nature, but a lasting partner may may not be the outcome of this union
Three of Swords- Heartache Usually bring tears in its wake Are often preceded by romantic interludes and irresistible sexual attractions Sometimes suggests "the eternal triangle" in which at least one of the participants must inevitably get hurt in the end Relationships foretold by this card are often in the mind Those involved are seeking something beyond themselves Enlightenment might come out of this painful episode
Column Three: Hope and Fears or Dreams and Wishes Nine of Swords- Oppression, Fear and Anxiety Represents a negative plateau, a dark place full of fear and suffering Accumulation of stress and worry Sleep patterns may be disturbed by nightmares, high anxiety, feeling of vague danger Sometimes represents real sickness, painful love relationships or recent bereavement Problems must be faced up to and vanquished Invariably a complex situation
Four of Swords- Rest and Recuperation The idea of stability through rest Rest and recuperation are required when this card is drawn A fairly desperate plea for peace and quiet Should always be taken seriously, unplug the telephone, stop going out every night, and take it easy for a while
Four of Wands- Harvest and Prosperity Represents a successful and abundant harvest This harvest is often translated into material items Powerful sense of security is signified This may manifest as an intuitive feeling of faith in yourself, a sense of inner harmony Indicates that reasoning abilities are productively combined with intuition
Column Four: What You Expect Death When you draw this card it is certain that something will come to an end This experience may be painful and difficult to come to terms with Resistance to this change may work for a time, but not forever Death promises that transformation will follow Some old and outworn part of yourself is dying, your circumstances will eventually reflect this This card cannot be taken lightly Major changes lie ahead, you may require time to mourn what you are leaving behind Promises new life once you are free of the old one Rarely does it mean physical death Can signify a loss: a relationship fail, an end of a friendship, job lost
The Magician-Reversed You are unable to make a choice You have been unable or unwilling to see things through to their conclusion Sometimes these difficulties seem to have been caused by someone else Some negative force or person is blocking your path and you may feel lacking in inspiration or energy
Four of Pentacles- Financial Security There will soon be money in the bank A period of financial stability is coming, you should be able to make some lasting improvements in your circumstances Does not indicate fabulous wealth, but speaks of continuing comfort and an income which cover all your outgoings and leaves you with sufficient cash to enjoy yourself too When it relates to work, it usually suggests a slow-but-sure increase in power and responsibility Improvements and advancements are lasting, but made in a gradual way There is nothing exciting, sudden or lucky about them
Column Five: What You Do Not Expect The Pope You may be going to the university as a teacher or a student It suggests someone who pays greater attention to outer details You or someone close to you may be very attracted to an orthodox religion Can be overly concerned about what others think Marriage is another meaning of this card When The Pope manifests as a person they may be a gifted teacher, priest, mentor or interpreter Such a person has entered your life to open a mental door for you, revealing what lies beyond Can also signify an old friend, often someone who is older, who is able to give you sound advice You also want your role defined clearly, whether in a relationship, or at work
Nine of Cups-Fulfillment and Well-being An extremely positive and radiant card Suggest contentment, physical health, and success A creative and emotional peak has been reached, your dreams are about to come true, there is a joyful quality to life Emotionally your relationships are particularly fulfilling Love flows easily between partners, close family and friends There is no sense of frustration or lack, and communications reach new and intimate depths Creatively, ideas are coming easily and there is plenty of energy to implement them Something you have wrestled with for a long time may now go smoothly and effortlessly at last
The World You have reached the end of a cycle in your life, there is a sense of completion and accomplishment You may have successfully integrated some previously-dormant aspect of your personality and become a more fully-rounded person Although a cycle is ending, and a door is closing, it is a time for celebration May also manifest as a journey, new home, or new place of work You are literally being given a chance to see more of the world we live in Journeys signified by this card will inspire you, expand your knowledge, and bring insight and happiness When referring to a new home, it denotes a change for the better
Column Six: Near Future Seven of Pentacles-Gestation Many worries often accompanying a period of very hard work You may be wondering how to pay back a loan These fears are groundless in the long term If you are doing work which brings fulfillment, it will expand and grow This points to slow growth, seeds have been sown but there is no sign as yet that they have germinated Points to a tiring time, when you work and work for little monetary gain It may seem pointless You may feel like you've thrown away your money or talents These disappointments are usually illusory
Three of Pentacles- Success Through Skill The time and effort put in has increased the person's value in the market-place, for she is now confident and on the way to becoming established Suggests that all this effort will be rewarded shortly Material gain of some kind is most likely, although don't expect large sums
The Emperor Represents structure and the type of power which arises from it Symbolizes wordly achievement, and the competitive qualities and drive it takes to make your mark You may be in a position where others look to you for direction You are ambitious and can make logical plans to ensure your success You could be dealing with authority in some shape or form In terms of career, signifies that you prefer to be boss and are not a natural employee Physically, this card relates to the head, headaches, and accidents affecting that part of the body Sexually, it is the card of the hunter and seducer of either sex who usually gets what she wants, and tends to be a dominate partner Blocked emotions find an outlet in passionate sex
Column Six: Further Future Queen of Swords- Reversed- A dangerous gossip, lonely and bitter Represents an enemy who is secretly spreading gossip about you In this position she suggests a troublesome woman who may be motivated by jealousy or sheer spite She can be dangerous, for she is clever This can also indicate a woman who has an unhappy emotional life Can suggest a miserable woman who is bitter about men, sex and love in general
Two of Pentacles- Financial Balance and Fluctuating Fortunes Signifies some sort of financial, material or practical balancing You may have to take on extra work in order to pay for a holiday or special treat You find yourself juggling two bank accounts or earning two sources of income Its likely that some money will be made available shortly, or you will receive partial help which will enable you to pursue a particular project When this help materializes, do not abuse or ignore it You are being given a chance to develop a second string to your bow You may find that you are entertaining lavishly one month and living on spaghetti the next
Eight of Pentacles- New Skills Primarily relating to work and practical abilities Signifies training, apprenticeship, or further education of some kind It denotes all kinds of courses, especially those which are taken as part of an existing career Knowledge and skills are being expanded, added to or brushed up in some way Evening classes are sometimes suggested
German manufacturers Optimal Media Production claim that their new VinylDisc is a hybrid CD/vinyl album that will play in an optical drive or on a turntable: "The VinylDisc is a combination audio CD and special record. It consists of two attached layers. The silver layer contains digital audio information, while the black upper layer can be played on every record player."
This solves that whole "Buy our 45, it comes with a free CD."
Take part in a social music sharing event with a difference - in CD-Recycled 45rpm Aleks Kolkowski uses his vintage record cutter to 'overwrite' existing data and cut grooves on CDs/DVDs so they can be played on a turntable. Bring unwanted CDs/DVDs and a sound file and receive a recycled disc in return.
Now that is fucking brilliant. I wish I could get my hands on an old cutter.