Friday, December 12, 2008

R.I.P. Pioneers!

Since I am already on the death of things loved kick....

In the last week two creative, talented and brave pioneers have moved on.

Bettie Page.
April 22, 1923 - December 11, 2008

Forrest J. Ackerman.
November 24, 1916 - December 4, 2008

You have both changed pop culture, influenced many works of art, inspired many people, molded, formed, changed minds and because of you things will never be the same.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

R.I.P. Bound paper.

Libraries everywhere are losing funding due to population losing interest.

This one, The Donnell Library Center in NYC, is being demolished so that a hotel
can take its place. They are "relocating" it to the basement, where it will be a
fraction of its original size. While a basement library could be a neat thing, the only
reason it's even happening is because a law mandates it.

The above picture tears at me. It looks like they are in body bags. Dead and only missed by those who care.

I wonder if public libraries will exist by the time the next generation is my age.
Fortunately, there will always be those who find nothing more comforting than
the smell and feel of sheets of printed paper.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Where are my walls?

I feel extremely vulnerable.

Like a scared little girl.

and I hate it.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Life Was Loud.

Sometimes life yells at you.
Like I heard my father do.

It howls and shouts.
Like the kid wanting out.

It screams and cries.
Like those hidden lies.

It bellows and roars.
Like those swinging doors.

It shrieks and whines.
Like those ties that bind.

It yelps and weeps.
Like heartbroken sleep.

Sometimes I wish it would whisper.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Certificate of Baptism

March 1st 1992

I walked into the double wide trailer that we called our church. My hands still sticky with that mornings cherry poptart.

It had a sign out front that I am sure some of the church ladies painted with tempera paint. Even though it was faded and peeling it screamed Imlay Baptist Church!!!

It always smelled of old lady perfume and how dusty fake flowers smell. I can't explain it.

I made sure to wear all white. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or why I was doing it.

All the other kids were.

Everyone was SO HAPPY when I accepted Jesus into my heart. They were all SO PROUD. I felt like I had accomplished something huge. All I had to do was repeat after them...accept a lord and saver (I'm sure they said saver) and ask for forgiveness. Easy praise and pats on the back. Yay me!

They made us sit in the front row. I sat on my I still do. We stared at the walls as Rev. Monte Chitty went through some adult jabber on the beauties of salvation.

It was hard to sit still and try to pay attention. Mr. Chitty was in his highway patrol outfit. He had one of those ridiculous mustaches. The family were transports from Texas, his accent was distracting.

They sang old hymns. ...At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light...
I do not understand how so many of these women were so tone deaf. There was no way I was gonna be able to doze with that pitch stabbing me in the ears.

He pulled back the lid on what looked like an extra deep bath tub. It wasn't much longer than the one at home. It had cheap wood paneling in the sides. He said the water was a little cold, but it would have to do.

He called us up, one by one, he dunked them in the water. He'd put his hand over their nose and mouth, say some shit, and shove their heads down. They'd come up, soaked and choking. He'd ask them how they feel, they'd answer cleansed, new, alive, ect. Everyone would cheer and clap.

Finally he called my name. My palms were sweaty. He helped me up. I put my foot was cold, it shocked me, I slipped, he caught me before I went under.
I asked him if I could hold my own nose, he wouldn't let me. I don't remember what he asked me, but I agreed and down my head went. I came up sputtering and slapping. He grabbed my hands and asked me how I felt. "Wet." He looked disappointed.

I stood up, I was damn cold and shaking. Everyone was staring at me up there. They weren't clapping....or cheering. Just staring. Mr. Chitty sons mouth was wide open. As I looked around for my towel I happened to look down. I realized wearing all white was a terrible idea. My clothes were see-thru and my Tweety Bird underwear and his huge unblinking eyes were glaring at everyone.

"The dream was gone."

I just finished rereading William S. Burroughs Junky.

Like it always happens when revisiting a book, the experience I got from it was completely new than the last time.

With the rumors flying that the kids down the street are developing facial scabs from their crackhead itches, the junky theme hits different than the time before.

Not worse, not closer, just different.

The last page is detailing the need to find that final fix. One that expands the mind instead of compressing it.

Drugs, of course, are the answer. I am sure this is something I will hear again and often.

I wonder what my final fix will be.
"Kick is momentary freedom from the claims of the aging, cautious, nagging, frightened flesh."
What will be my kick?

I'm quite certain it won't come grown from the ground, in the form of a pill, or out of a shared needle.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Sunday, October 5, 2008

OMG! A bike that fits me!!!

Huffy Capri
10 Speed
Pink and Gray and TINY and flipping adorable...

I didn't take these pictures, they came from here, but it's the exact same bike.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's late, it's early.

It's 5am.
It's so quiet this time of night/day.
My windows are open and there is the slight smell of an earlier rain.
The only sounds are a few cars in the distance and our cats trying to get under my window blinds.
It's peaceful.
I feel content.
I feel at home.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ghosts live in pockets.

I made a last minute decision and took a trip to S.F. to spend some time with a very good friend.
This isn't the most responsible thing to do.
I am unemployed and insanely broke.
I got a ticket on Greyhound.
I have never ridden a bus, with the exception of city transport or back in my school days.
Not that I am against it. I have just never done it.

Getting on the bus, there was a man in front of me.
He was in a Raiders sweater, had on a necklace the shape of Africa, was soiled and appeared to have wet his pants.
He handed the ticket taker his ticket sleeve. When he unfolded it there was a $5 bill inside.
"Oop, you may want that." He said handing it back.
"God damn ghost, I tell ya. The ghost is livin' in my pocket."
The ticket taker giggled.
"You don't believe me, but that ghost took all my money."

At some point I fell asleep and woke up at a stop.
The man got off the bus. When he got back on he had obviously re-wet his pants.
He sat across the aisle from me and would randomly say things about the ghost.
Or just randomly say "GHOST!"

In between talks of brothels and football teams, he got in a conversation with another passenger about this ghost.
He said he had taken the bus into Reno from Oakland the night before with over two grand in his pocket. He went to the liquor store and than checked his pockets and it was gone.
"The ghost stole it all from me! Can you believe that?"
"Well...uhh...that ain't no good."
"Two grand! Butcha can't sweat the small stuff."
"Ain't that the troof."
"What are you gonna do? Call the po-lice? They sure ain't gonna believe me."


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Champagne and fuckin caviar.

Going to bars in a city you don't live in, alone, is a strange thing.
The sleaziest (and not in a good way) guys seem to have a spidey like sense that you are seeking entertainment. Its never the type of entertainment you want.
Just because I am alone, doesn't mean I am desperate. Can you smell it on me?
Maybe I am here to watch.
Maybe I am here to be alone.
I'm content being the observer.
I don't need, let alone want your attention or company.
Tonight is exceedingly odd.
I'm overhearing girls talking football players and guys talking hair.

I found the diviest bar I could, which wasn't all that easy in a town where everyone can afford Audi convertibles and buy the best set of tits.
The girls are all teetering around in heels as tall as the buildings and skirts even higher.
The boys are walking around like roosters with their chests puffed up and hair thats perfectly combed.
Everyone is beautiful, but only in the billboard sense.
Hours spent at the gym, at a tanning booth and days spent in front of a mirror.
The only way you could see more skin would be to spend a week in a nudist colony.
People really aspire to look, live, like this.
Their main focus is to look like society's idea of perfection.
Who the fuck was it that thought this is what perfection looks like?
Where does personality go when all your thoughts are focused on appearance?
Do they strive to be an “individual” like everyone I know?
They don't stand out in a crowd. They blend.
Maybe this is what they want.
The perfect camouflage.
In a sea of blond and flesh.
In a fucking landslid of designer brands and fuck me pumps.

I wonder what they find passion in.
What do they believe in?
I cant even dream up something that they would die for.
That special sale?
The fastest car?
The perfect polo?
The richest boyfriend?
The biggest fucking diamond?

These are people planning/deciding my future.
Our future.
To bad our future can't be found in fillet mignon, champagne and caviar.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Monday, August 25, 2008

Anywhere but there.

More photos of beauty.

I love that his pants are still on.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Everything is black or white.

No matter how dirty,nude photos always look so pretty in black and white.
I would love to take pictures like this.

All photos were taken off Chagrin.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Everything I need.

It feels good to connect.
It feels good to realize,
how much we are all alike.
The little things that make us different.

I have girls.
They are mine; I am theirs.
They are strong.
They are courageous.
They are beautiful.

You lessen my fears.
You make me feel protected, safe and supported.
You are my walls, my shields, my swords.

Friendship can begin with so many things.
You might not see it there, growing, bringing new life.
You may not know the exact moment it was conceived.
It's a beautiful thing; birthing of a bond.
The only type of mothering I need to do right now.
Nourish these with experience.
Watch them evolve, develop, mature, flourish.

We spoke last night, how even if we grow apart.
Even if these don't last forever.
Memories will.

I will hold you close and tight,
and cherish everything.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

George Dubya.

Titled "No Joke"
By Drew Friedman

Now tell me....
Why so serious????

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My eyes have turned green...

but it's not because I am jealous or envious.
I'm feeling jaded.

This last week I have talked more about politics and the state of the world than I have in months.
I've made myself sick with frustration. My brain hurts, but not nearly as bad as my heart.

I saw the Flobots. I didn't realize how political and positive they were before last night.
He talked about making a change. Making a country. Our country.
About the flag being the symbol of a country that has yet to be created.
About it being up to us. Up to me.
Fight with tools. Rise. Rise. Rise.

There were a lot of people there. Randoms I've never seen before.
A whole lot of kids. Not even old enough to vote.
Kids who've only known Bush as president.
Kids who don't know a president can be intelligent and competent.

It was hot. There was energy. There were a ton of fists in the air.
There was screaming. I think I was the only one on the verge of crying.
They just wanted to hear the radio hit. They weren't hearing what was being said.
Most of them won't vote.
Most of them aren't thinking about it today.
They won't do anything. They won't even talk about it.
They weren't listening. They didn't realize how important it all is.
They just don't care.
My ears were open.

I used to do so much. I was there. All the time. Doing something.
Trying to help, save, change, SOMETHING.
We started out so intense. So united. So strong.
What happened?
We didn't see it getting better. Only worse.
We were tired. We were discouraged.
I was getting in trouble. I was constantly shot down.
I felt like I was alone.
I was overwhelmed. I had to step back. I had to back up.
Now I feel guilty.

I have feeling like I am not doing anything,
but I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do even more.

Monday, July 7, 2008


I had five boys tell me that I showed up in there dreams on Saturday night.

Apparently I was very busy raiding the minds of young men.

That should probably happen more often.

Feels so nice and hopeless when I'm burning through your skull.
In my head. In my head.
I want to be that bullet that goes ripping through your brain.
In my head. In my head.
-Black Flag

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Explore. Just protect yourself.



Advertiser/Client: AIDS
Product/Service: AIDS AWARENESS
Entrant Company: TBWA\PARIS
Country: FRANCE
Advertising Agency: TBWA\PARIS
Country: FRANCE
Executive Creative Director: Erik Vervroegen
Creative Director: Erik Vervroegen/Michel De Lauw
Copywriter: Xander Smith
Art Director: Jonathan Santana
Illustrator: James Jean
Account Supervisor: Anne Vincent/Veronique Fourniotakis

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Cupcakes cupcakes cupcakes

Master cupcakist Hello Naomi, I salute you!

I've heard...

The way to a mans heart is through his stomach.
I wonder if this would work......

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Up Up Up

I dreamed I was dreaming.
It screwed me up.
I wished you there.
That screwed me up.
I wanted you.
You fucked me up.

I dreamed I was dreaming.
It fucked me up.
You were there.
That fucked me up.
I don't want you.
You fucked me up.

I wanted fire.

My cold eyes. Your cool looks.
I wanted to dance with the devil.
I wanted fire, I wanted disaster.

You stretched. I watched.
Only sin crosses my mind.
I saw your hips, thought of mine.

You looked. I smiled.
I talked of something vulgar.
A demon, I want to be possessed.

Finger graze. Minds decide.
You smell of cigarettes and beer.
In other words, perfect.

Lips touched. Skin touched.
Deathly, but exactly what I wanted.
Your lungs filled with earthquakes.

You shook. I shuddered.
Heaven wont accept me now.
Goosebumps, a constant reminder.

Your warm hands. My cold feet.
Hell is the perfect place for me.
I wanted fire, I wanted disaster.

My ears are satisfied

It's been a long time since I enjoyed every band at a show.
Last night was the night.

I counted how many times I got goosebumps.
I got up to 16 before I forgot to keep track.

Kepi Ghoulie
Andrew Jackson Jihad
Bomb the Music Industry
The Queers

I would love to have it on repeat.
You were EXACTLY what I needed.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Six Month Special

Column one: Self
Page of Wands- Feeling More Creative
Dawning of creativity and upsurge of energy
Expect short journeys, invitations, and lively conversation

Five of Swords- Limitation, Power
Often indicates failure or loss of some kind
Usually accompanied by a sense of being limited in some way
However from these limitations a new direction will come
When surrounded with positive cards, indicates any loss or
disappointment sustained is minor.

King of Cups- Imaginative, emotional, charismatic
Highly intuitive
Found magnetic yet difficult
Makes decisions because they "feel right"
Makes a dangerous enemy, able to wait for revenge
When in love, highly-sexed and emotional
Sensitivity is both a blessing and a curse
Rarely boring or predictable

Column Two: What's Closest Two You
Queen of Wands- Warm, Light and loyal
Independent, charismatic, generous, hospitable, good company
Always full of bright ideas, often inspiring, positive thinker
When in love, passionate and sensual
Brings a sense of humor to her relationships
Rarely bad-tempered for long
Needs admiration and reassurance, deep down lacks confidence
Hates being taken for granted.
Is frightened and may be driven away with possessive behavior

The Devil
Represents the material world, which is neither good nor evil
May be entering a phase where money and material well being become more important
Warns against trying to buy friendship or love
There is a danger that you or someone in your life will use money as a means to control others
Linked with lust and sometimes overwhelming physical desire
Powerful sexual attraction may be irresistible, but it may not be love
You could find yourself obsessed with your object of desire
You should probably learn something about your own animal nature, but a lasting partner may
may not be the outcome of this union

Three of Swords- Heartache
Usually bring tears in its wake
Are often preceded by romantic interludes and irresistible sexual attractions
Sometimes suggests "the eternal triangle" in which at least one of the participants must
inevitably get hurt in the end
Relationships foretold by this card are often in the mind
Those involved are seeking something beyond themselves
Enlightenment might come out of this painful episode

Column Three: Hope and Fears or Dreams and Wishes
Nine of Swords- Oppression, Fear and Anxiety
Represents a negative plateau, a dark place full of fear and suffering
Accumulation of stress and worry
Sleep patterns may be disturbed by nightmares, high anxiety, feeling of vague danger
Sometimes represents real sickness, painful love relationships or recent bereavement
Problems must be faced up to and vanquished
Invariably a complex situation

Four of Swords- Rest and Recuperation
The idea of stability through rest
Rest and recuperation are required when this card is drawn
A fairly desperate plea for peace and quiet
Should always be taken seriously, unplug the telephone, stop going out every night, and take it
easy for a while

Four of Wands- Harvest and Prosperity
Represents a successful and abundant harvest
This harvest is often translated into material items
Powerful sense of security is signified
This may manifest as an intuitive feeling of faith in yourself, a sense of inner harmony
Indicates that reasoning abilities are productively combined with intuition

Column Four: What You Expect
When you draw this card it is certain that something will come to an end
This experience may be painful and difficult to come to terms with
Resistance to this change may work for a time, but not forever
Death promises that transformation will follow
Some old and outworn part of yourself is dying, your circumstances will eventually reflect this
This card cannot be taken lightly
Major changes lie ahead, you may require time to mourn what you are leaving behind
Promises new life once you are free of the old one
Rarely does it mean physical death
Can signify a loss: a relationship fail, an end of a friendship, job lost

The Magician-Reversed
You are unable to make a choice
You have been unable or unwilling to see things through to their conclusion
Sometimes these difficulties seem to have been caused by someone else
Some negative force or person is blocking your path and you may feel lacking in inspiration or

Four of Pentacles- Financial Security
There will soon be money in the bank
A period of financial stability is coming, you should be able to make some lasting improvements
in your circumstances
Does not indicate fabulous wealth, but speaks of continuing comfort and an income which cover
all your outgoings and leaves you with sufficient cash to enjoy yourself too
When it relates to work, it usually suggests a slow-but-sure increase in power and responsibility
Improvements and advancements are lasting, but made in a gradual way
There is nothing exciting, sudden or lucky about them

Column Five: What You Do Not Expect
The Pope
You may be going to the university as a teacher or a student
It suggests someone who pays greater attention to outer details
You or someone close to you may be very attracted to an orthodox religion
Can be overly concerned about what others think
Marriage is another meaning of this card
When The Pope manifests as a person they may be a gifted teacher, priest, mentor or
Such a person has entered your life to open a mental door for you, revealing what lies beyond
Can also signify an old friend, often someone who is older, who is able to give you sound advice
You also want your role defined clearly, whether in a relationship, or at work

Nine of Cups-Fulfillment and Well-being
An extremely positive and radiant card
Suggest contentment, physical health, and success
A creative and emotional peak has been reached, your dreams are about to come true, there is
a joyful quality to life
Emotionally your relationships are particularly fulfilling
Love flows easily between partners, close family and friends
There is no sense of frustration or lack, and communications reach new and intimate depths
Creatively, ideas are coming easily and there is plenty of energy to implement them
Something you have wrestled with for a long time may now go smoothly and effortlessly at last

The World
You have reached the end of a cycle in your life, there is a sense of completion and
You may have successfully integrated some previously-dormant aspect of your personality
and become a more fully-rounded person
Although a cycle is ending, and a door is closing, it is a time for celebration
May also manifest as a journey, new home, or new place of work
You are literally being given a chance to see more of the world we live in
Journeys signified by this card will inspire you, expand your knowledge, and bring insight and
When referring to a new home, it denotes a change for the better

Column Six: Near Future
Seven of Pentacles-Gestation
Many worries often accompanying a period of very hard work
You may be wondering how to pay back a loan
These fears are groundless in the long term
If you are doing work which brings fulfillment, it will expand and grow
This points to slow growth, seeds have been sown but there is no sign as yet that they have
Points to a tiring time, when you work and work for little monetary gain
It may seem pointless
You may feel like you've thrown away your money or talents
These disappointments are usually illusory

Three of Pentacles- Success Through Skill
The time and effort put in has increased the person's value in the market-place, for she is now
confident and on the way to becoming established
Suggests that all this effort will be rewarded shortly
Material gain of some kind is most likely, although don't expect large sums

The Emperor
Represents structure and the type of power which arises from it
Symbolizes wordly achievement, and the competitive qualities and drive it takes to make your
You may be in a position where others look to you for direction
You are ambitious and can make logical plans to ensure your success
You could be dealing with authority in some shape or form
In terms of career, signifies that you prefer to be boss and are not a natural employee
Physically, this card relates to the head, headaches, and accidents affecting that part of the body
Sexually, it is the card of the hunter and seducer of either sex who usually gets what she wants,
and tends to be a dominate partner
Blocked emotions find an outlet in passionate sex

Column Six: Further Future
Queen of Swords- Reversed- A dangerous gossip, lonely and bitter
Represents an enemy who is secretly spreading gossip about you
In this position she suggests a troublesome woman who may be motivated by jealousy or sheer
She can be dangerous, for she is clever
This can also indicate a woman who has an unhappy emotional life
Can suggest a miserable woman who is bitter about men, sex and love in general

Two of Pentacles- Financial Balance and Fluctuating Fortunes
Signifies some sort of financial, material or practical balancing
You may have to take on extra work in order to pay for a holiday or special treat
You find yourself juggling two bank accounts or earning two sources of income
Its likely that some money will be made available shortly, or you will receive partial help which
will enable you to pursue a particular project
When this help materializes, do not abuse or ignore it
You are being given a chance to develop a second string to your bow
You may find that you are entertaining lavishly one month and living on spaghetti the next

Eight of Pentacles- New Skills
Primarily relating to work and practical abilities
Signifies training, apprenticeship, or further education of some kind
It denotes all kinds of courses, especially those which are taken as part of an existing career
Knowledge and skills are being expanded, added to or brushed up in some way
Evening classes are sometimes suggested

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Every mothers worst nightmare....

One man's trash.....

Is another mans treasure.

Tim Nobel and Sue Webster take piles of trash and make art into them... but sometimes the art isn't apparent until you see it in a different light.

I am not sure how they do it, but it is amazing.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Illusion is the first of all pleasures....

This grave is filled with kisses.

Guess who is the subject of this adoration . . .

Oscar Wilde.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Best of both worlds.

Also amazing!!

German manufacturers Optimal Media Production claim that their new VinylDisc is a hybrid CD/vinyl album that will play in an optical drive or on a turntable: "The VinylDisc is a combination audio CD and special record. It consists of two attached layers. The silver layer contains digital audio information, while the black upper layer can be played on every record player."

This solves that whole "Buy our 45, it comes with a free CD."


I don't care how it sounds.

Take part in a social music sharing event with a difference - in CD-Recycled 45rpm Aleks Kolkowski uses his vintage record cutter to 'overwrite' existing data and cut grooves on CDs/DVDs so they can be played on a turntable. Bring unwanted CDs/DVDs and a sound file and receive a recycled disc in return.

Now that is fucking brilliant. I wish I could get my hands on an old cutter.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Fujiyama Mama

Wanda Jackson is so bad ass.

1. She she Queen of Rock N Roll and Rockabilly.
2. She hung all over Elvis.
3. She was totally hot.
4. She sings about drinking and havin' a party.
5. She's over 70 and still rockin'.

I <3 HER.