You gotta feel it.

Tonight is one of those nights where I keep feeling like something is missing.
I know it's one of those things that I won't find, no matter where I look.
It is not in my closet or under my bed, it isn't between the lines in the book I am trying to read.
It isn't in the fridge or our cupboards, it is not in the messages I have read or listened to a hundred times.
It may be deep inside this little body of mine or maybe a few thousand miles away.
What if it is hiding from me? What if it has disguised itself as something else? Maybe it is looking for me. What if it is just waiting for me?
I can't hold still and my mind is racing, it wants to make decisions that will just have to wait.

Maybe I just need to go dancing, I haven't done that in a while...

Zine Machine

I went to the Portland Zine Symposium last weekend.
I had no idea what to write a zine on.
I don't think of myself as a writer.
I made a short book, really, it was just a few drawn pictures with some short text.
I based it off of the questions people ask themselves.
Education, religion, money, love, sexuality, time, those type-a things.
I was pretty happy with it, I thought it was very me.
After going to the Symposium and seeing everyones, it looks like shit, but that will just push me to do better next time.

Comfortably Unhappy

It seems there is a time coming that I am not ready for.
It looks like growing up and moving on is a blink away.

I am not sure when the time comes that you have to stop counting on other people.
I feel like that time was always there.
I can be independent.

Sometimes you just end up in a comfortable situation and forget.
It is no ones fault. It is all circumstance.
Comfort stops people from doing a lot.

Your job sucks, but its comfortable, so you don't look for another.

You have friends who suck the life out of you, but hey, friends are comfortable, so you keep them.

These socks have so many holes, but they are the most comfortable, I wear them.

A relationship may not be right, but it is comfortable, so you stay.

The couch is just so comfortable, so you don't get up.

Reno is comfortable, so I haven't left.

It is difficult to know you need change but not know what it is or how to get there.
It is too scary to even start.
What is already known is routine and stable.

Being comfortably unhappy just seems too easy.

Somedays stagnant.

I realized today that sometimes settling sounds like a good idea because it feels like a step forward.
For a minute it just feels better then being stagnant.

Somedays

Some days I think about how I have always settled and how I should never do that again.

Other days I think about how I have always settled and I think maybe there was a reason for that.

But it's not sweet

Love fell away
like dreaming
of dreaming
lucid
sickness
Surrender, but it's not sweet
dandelion chain
across fallen shoulders
breathe in
sucked out
angels in waiting
cracked sidewalks
twisted trunks
hands on spines
Shaking, but it's not sweet
love fell away
like dreaming
of dreaming

Craft Swap 1

I did a craft swap through craftster.

I claimed a girl named Claire.
:)

I made a cross stitch flower, with out a pattern and decorated the frame.
I also bought a shrug from the thrift store and freehand embroidered a peacock feather and some swirly stuff.Luckily it fits her perfect.