Tuesday, December 4, 2007

My narcissistic self

I am scared to spend time alone with anyone....
but wait...
I will tell you why....

I am scared they will LIKE me.
I don't want anyone to have feelings for me.
I don't want anyone to have a little crush.
I don't want the risk having to say no.
I would rather not have to get into any type of "moment".
I don't want to have any type of connection.
I don't want to be asked out for dinner.
I don't want someone to look into my eyes longer then necessary.

I don't want someone to try and make me their girlfriend....
it scares the shit out of me.

This at the same time makes me feel very self absorbed.....
what makes me so special....
why should I think anyone is going to lean in for a kiss?
is going to ask me on a date?
is going to take me home to momma?
is going to fall head over heels?

I know I am not bad looking.
I know I make a great girlfriend.
I know I am very supportive.
I know I can be a good listener.
I know I can take care of someone.

I am sure it's because I felt kind of trapped in a way for the last four years.
I am sure I am afraid I will allow myself to be trapped again.

It's gonna have to be some one who adds to me, who doesn't take away. I know a lot of wonderful people, but it's going to take someone whos much more then wonderful.

I am scared of losing me.....again.

1 comment:

Yell said...

Well-spoken....I feel like I understand...well :)